Bob Schwartz

Tag: Putin

Trump Tweets to the Soccer Ball When He Misses Putin

The mystery of the soccer ball that Putin gave to Trump has been solved. The ball does contain a transmitter, but only for nearby phones.

It is now so clear. Trump can access secret videos from Putin broadcast from the ball. And when Trump really misses Putin but can’t get him on the phone, Trump can tweet to the ball as if Putin were right there with him.

Isn’t love grand!

Bloomberg:

Russian President Vladimir Putin’s gift of a soccer ball to U.S. President Donald Trump last week set off a chorus of warnings — some of them only half in jest — that the World Cup souvenir could be bugged. Republican Senator Lindsey Graham even tweeted, “I’d check the soccer ball for listening devices and never allow it in the White House.”

It turns out they weren’t entirely wrong. Markings on the ball indicate that it contained a chip with a tiny antenna that transmits to nearby phones.

But rather than a spy device, the chip is an advertised feature of the Adidas AG ball. Photographs from the news conference in Helsinki, where Putin handed the ball to Trump, show it bore a logo for a near-field communication tag. During manufacturing, the NFC chip is placed inside the ball under that logo, which resembles the icon for a WiFi signal, according to the Adidas website.

The chip allows fans to access player videos, competitions and other content by bringing their mobile devices close to the ball.

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Logical Proof that Putin is President of the United States (and leader of the Republican Party)

Logic, even playful logic, is not particularly popular with Trump and many of his supporters. It has been tossed on the trash heap, along with truth, selflessness, courage, patriotism and sanity.

Logic can be helpful in critical times like these. Using what might be called the Transitive Property of Dominance, we find:

Trump is President of the United States.
Putin dominates Trump.
Therefore Putin is President of the United States.

and:

Trump is leader of the Republican Party.
Putin dominates Trump.
Therefore Putin is leader of the Republican Party.

This has many uses. Most importantly, when you see a Republican official, or see a Republican candidate on a ballot, unless you are absolutely sure he or she is an active opponent of this dominance (not just rhetorical objection), you can assume that for all practical purposes you are looking at Putin.

The logic may not be formally pure. But the point is essential and inescapable.

Trump’s Summit with His Real Boss: “Who’s Your Daddy?”

It would not be surprising if, when Trump meets with Putin in July, the first words out of Putin’s mouth are “Who’s your Daddy?” That’s probably the way they greet each other in their frequent phone calls. They both laugh, but that acknowledges that in reality, Putin’s the boss.

How did that happen? There is plenty of speculation. The best guess is that Trump has been laundering Russian money through his business for decades (the main reason he will never release his tax returns). Putin knows this, down to the dollar, down to each individual oligarch or Mafiya member.

Expectations from the “summit”:

Trump will repeat that Putin assured him that Russia has not and will not meddle in American elections. Who do you believe, Trump will ask, Putin or our lying intelligence agencies?

Trump will announce a new strategic relationship with Russia, something none of his incompetent, weak-willed predecessors could ever accomplish. Together, Trump will say, America and Russia will accomplish great things that nobody but Trump could deliver. MARGA!

Putin will remain more silent. But he—the world’s richest man and one of the world’s most powerful—will still be amazed at the trick he has been able to pull off. Not even Stalin was able to put an American president in his murderous pocket.

Who’s Trump’s Daddy indeed.

The Military Parade Trump Really Wants—Putin Style

Trump is demanding a military parade down Pennsylvania Avenue, just like the one he saw in France.

But what he really, really wants is one like his hero Putin puts on—especially with the lady soldiers in knee-high black boots and miniskirts (not a joke, as pictured above).

From the Mirror, 9 May 2016:

Vladimir Putin’s all-female ‘miniskirt army’ display their strength in sexist military parade.

Women troops sporting knee-high black boots and starched white uniforms – several inches above the knee.

The women marched in strict formation – and bright sunshine – to the strains of martial music and the clear delight of the macho Russian leader.