Bob Schwartz

July 12, 2013

Sharknado

Sharknado
Some of us have been watching and loving the Syfy channel’s ludicrous scary animal disaster movies for years, such as

Dinocroc
Dinocroc vs. Supergator
Dinoshark
Frankenfish
Mega Piranha
Mega Python vs. Gatoroid
Mega Snake
Piranhaconda
Supergator

Then there are the newcomers who just this week discovered the film art of Syfy with the premiere of Sharknado  and have made it an entertainment sensation. If you haven’t yet heard about it, Sharknado, like many of these Syfy movies, pretty much gives away the basic concept in the title. Sharknado combines sharks and tornadoes: “When a freak hurricane swamps Los Angeles, thousands of sharks terrorize the waterlogged populace. And when the high-speed winds form tornadoes in the desert, nature’s deadliest killer rules water, land, and air.”

Soon, millions will be “experts”, comparing the performances of Debbie Gibson (as Dr. Nikki Riley) and Tiffany (as Park Ranger Terry O’Hara) in Mega Python vs. Gatoroid (2011), as well as trying to understand the symbolism of Monkee Mickey Dolenz appearing as himself in the movie.

Debbie Gibson and Tiffany

Being an early adopter of cutting edge art means learning to share with latecomers. So if you are a newbie and want to go back to the classics, be assured that any of the above are worth your attention and time.

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July 10, 2013

In Praise of the Bialy

Bialys
Time for a little geo-chauvinism, at least as it concerns a particular food.

Living and travelling around the country and the world, you experience the delightful variety of foods that have been cultivated in all those different places. Some have spread nationally and globally, others have remained relatively local.

Bagels seem to be almost everywhere now, though the versions served are like the variety of things called pizza: some are special, some are seriously questionable. But growing up in New York, we ate the bagel’s eccentric sibling, a breakfast roll known as a bialy.

The bialy not only didn’t evangelize the world; the number of bialy bakeries in New York is actually shrinking. To understand what you and much of the world are missing, this description by Bell Bialys in Brooklyn:

Named after Bialystock, Poland, which was made famous through the musical Fiddler on the Roof, a bialy combines the flavors of an English muffin and a bagel. This flat, round baked product is low in calories, fat and cholesterol, with no sugar or oil added. The texture of the top and the bottom of a bialy are distinctively different. The top is light and crunchy while the bottom is heavier and chewy.

The creation of a quality bialy takes great skill and consistency. Following over 50 years of tradition, the Bell Bialy is still “pulled” by hand with the middle indented by thumb, and freshly grated onion mixture spooned into the indentation before the bialy is placed into the oven.

Of course writing about bialys is like dancing about art. We are all adults here, so look at it this way: if a bagel is like satisfying but routine sex, a bialy is like the act or position so simple yet sublime that you wonder why you’ve never tasted it before—and wonder when you can do it again.

Flour, water, onions.Unlike bagels that are more dressed up than Barbie, you would no sooner put cranberries in a bialy than you would put them in a communion wafer. It’s not that it would violate any dietary laws, but it would be culinarily trayf—an affront to God and your taste buds.

Find a bialy. Eat a bialy. They are sold by Bell and other bakeries to distributors and retailers in the Northeast, Florida, California and elsewhere. If you don’t find it, ask, even if you have to explain what a bialy is—no small task if you yourself have never had one. It is worth it. Breakfast will never be the same. Once you’ve had bialy, well…

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July 9, 2013

Should We Test Our Elected Officials?

IQ Curve
There is currently a right to have an abortion in America during the first trimester of pregnancy. This is one of the most divisive moral and legal controversies of our time. Some who support that right make clear that it is not necessarily a right they would exercise personally. Many who oppose the right would like to see it disappear entirely, whether through reconsideration by the Supreme Court or by constitutional amendment.

In the absence of constitutional reinterpretation or change, a number of states have passed laws to circumscribe that right, or at the very least to reduce its exercise. One of the most common laws, signed a few days ago in Wisconsin, requires pregnant women seeking abortions to undergo an ultrasound. This is aimed at emphasizing to these women that they are carrying a fetus—as if they had forgotten—in hopes of deterring them from going through with an abortion. The states just want to be sure these women are well and fully informed.

Great examples of conditioning a right are the sorts of literacy tests that were used in the Jim Crow South to keep black people from voting. Questions were often so difficult that even government officials would have trouble passing. From the Alabama literacy test of 1965 (68 questions):

19. Who passes laws dealing with piracy?
30. Of the original 13 states, the one with the largest representation in the first Congress was _____________.
39. If it were proposed to join Alabama and Mississippi to form one state, what groups would have to vote approval in order for this to be done?
41. The Constitution limits the size of the District of Columbia to _____________.
66. After the presidential electors have voted, to whom do they send the count of their votes?

The use of these sorts of literacy tests for voter suppression was challenged and ultimately outlawed.

Still, there may be the germ of a good idea here. A correlate of the right to vote is the right to hold public office. Sometimes, just sometimes, it seems that this right is being taken for granted by our elected officials. Perhaps there are some of the executives and legislators, at the state and national level, who might benefit from having their ability to hold office tested. Maybe they need to be tested on the arcane intricacies of how government works. Maybe they need to be better informed.

So the proposal is for all public officials to be tested before they are allowed to take office. No ultrasounds. Just the sort of knowledge assessment that prospective black voters had to undergo in 1965. Just the sort of test to see if these officials really understand what rights are and how, in America, we allow change to happen, and what to do lawfully if we don’t like the direction (we don’t terrorize people to make rights painful or impossible to exercise). We will see just how many of them can pass that test.

Answers to above questions:

19. Congress
30. Virginia
39. Congress and the legislatures of both states
41. 10 miles square
66. Vice President (President of the Senate)

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July 3, 2013

Thank You Mask Man

Thank You Mask Man
The release of the new Lone Ranger movie is an opportunity to introduce some readers to Lenny Bruce, very nearly the most significant comic of the modern comedy era.

In the 1950s and early sixties, there was nothing that Bruce wouldn’t talk about—in language that you could hear anywhere except on stage or screen, in attitude that was mercilessly satirical and uncomfortable for a lot of people. Most of all, it was funny. It wasn’t that he didn’t care and was only doing it to be sensational. He did it because he cared painfully about hypocrisy and self-righteousness that ended up hurting people deeply (just like today). He held up a mirror, and if what people saw looked ridiculous and less than complimentary, he was just the observer.

He has been called the Elvis of stand up, and that applies in a few ways. First, he was a groundbreaking talent who did what others had not done before and made it wildly popular. Second, his work was controversial and resulted in reaction. In the case of Bruce, it was not only social or media reaction; it was legal. Elvis was never busted for his hip shaking. Third, each of them had certain personal demons that contributed to a sad and untimely demise.

Lenny Bruce continued the long tradition of telling truth to power in a funny way. In his later years, after numerous busts for obscenity, a certain bitterness colored his attempts at comedy, “attempts” because to be honest much of it wasn’t funny. But at his height, there was a sweet honesty that made his arguments hard to resist.

Thank You Mask Man is a comedy bit about the Lone Ranger. In 1968, it was made into an animated short, with Bruce’s routine as the soundtrack. The premise of the bit is that the Lone Ranger never stops to accept “thank yous” from the people he helps. When he finally does agree to enjoy appreciation, it turns out to be something the townspeople don’t expect. Be aware and warned: Bruce manages to work small-mindedness, homosexuality, and even religion into the goofy mix (i.e., we won’t need the Lone Ranger after the Messiah returns).

Enjoy Lenny Bruce and a Lone Ranger you’ve never seen before.

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June 26, 2013

In Advance of the Marriage Equality Decisions

MLK

It appears it may be only a few minutes before the Supreme Court releases its opinions in the marriage equality cases, California Proposition 8 and DOMA. As always, when it does happen, please read the opinions yourselves, and don’t just take anybody’s word for what they say or mean.

Meanwhile, some are bound to be disappointed because the decisions don’t go far enough, if they seem to go anywhere at all. So here is a quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. so familiar that we may have stopped actually hearing it. Listen and believe.

I have not lost faith. I’m not in despair, because I know that there is a moral order. I haven’t lost faith, because the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.

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June 22, 2013

Celebrity Colony on the Moon

Melies - A Trip to the Moon
The success of Celebrity Colony on the Moon, a follow-up to NBC’s Celebrity Apprentice, is guaranteed, based on a few premises:

Celebrities are the only people able to take advantage of private space travel.
Celebrities like to increase their celebrity and to do things other people can’t.
People want to see some celebrities sent far away—even to the moon.

In Celebrity Colony on the Moon, celebrities will demonstrate their knowledge of space and science, and their ability to settle a frontier colony. People will vote based on these and other factors—including the desire to see particular celebrities housed in a lunar outpost.

Donald Trump will of course host the show. While he will not be official commander of the mission, he will travel along with the colonists. The demand to see him 238,900 miles away will be overwhelming.

It is expected that NBC will soon begin considering which celebrities might be sent to the moon, in the name of exploration and ratings. Nominations are now open.

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June 21, 2013

The Wait We Carry

The Wait We Carry
IAVA has been at the forefront of modern veterans advocacy—something desperately needed in the face of modern veterans benefit challenges (that is, much talk, little action).

The latest of these advocacy tools is dazzlingly innovative and personalizing. Here is the IAVA introduction:

This is the true face of the backlog. Introducing: The Wait We Carry.

By now, you’ve seen the big numbers behind the VA disability benefits backlog — over 565,000 vets waiting too long to get their claims resolved. But it’s not enough to talk about the numbers. We wondered: what are those vets going through? How is their wait for benefits affecting them and their families?

We asked vets to tell us about their experiences while waiting for their benefits. Their stories blew me away. I knew immediately that I wanted to do something that would give a voice to their struggle. Harnessing the power of technology, we have created a state-of-the-art data visualization tool to bring those stories to the world. It’s called The Wait We Carry.

The Wait We Carry is an interactive way for anybody to engage with the folks waiting for their benefits through their stories. There are several different search options so you can find a specific story, or you can simply take your time browsing through all of the stories. It drives our point home that there isn’t just one backlog experience. The weight of the wait is different for everybody.

The power of this tool is that it holds everybody accountable for the unacceptably long wait times. That’s why it’s crucial that this thing goes viral.

I’ve been working on this for months, and I am certain that The Wait We Carry is powerful enough to end the VA backlog for good. Make sure you check it out today — thewaitwecarry.org

Thanks,

Jacob Worrell
OIF Veteran, US Army 2004-2007
Product Strategy Associate
Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA)

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June 21, 2013

Immigration: The Right People and the Wrong People

Pilgrims - Superman - Jews
Today brings another high-profile politician talking about immigration policy that lets “the right people” in (those who will create the next Google) and keeps “the wrong people” out (vaguely defined, but you’ll know them when you see them).

A reminder that except for continental natives, all Americans are immigrants. Even the Mayflower people. Even Superman, an undocumented immigrant who for years was hidden by a seemingly kind and gentle Midwestern couple—of outlaws; why weren’t Ma and Pa Kent ever put in jail?

In the lead up to World War II, America could not find a place for thousands of Jews fleeing Hitler. These were apparently the wrong people, or the right people at the wrong time, or something. Any country is apt to make mistakes; America is no exception. Still, it is ironic that some of the people who were turned away might have started hundreds of Googles, or the 1930s equivalents. As it is, we can only imagine.

We can’t let everybody in, or so we say, but we don’t really talk about why not and what that means. Instead, we have immigrants who are “the wrong people”, but we also have “the right people” to serve particular national or individual interests (see also involuntary immigrants who were cheaper and more versatile than machines).

Not everybody is Superman. Not everybody is a bunch of unwanted people who will become the cliché of founding stock (Pilgrims) or unwanted people who never make it to shore (Jews). Not everybody is an entrepreneur. Not everybody is willing to take the worst jobs that few others want. Immigrants are people, not “right” or “wrong”. We can and should have a conversation without forgetting that.

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June 20, 2013

The STR-AV1010 Is Dead, Part 2

STR-AV1010 Connections
Why does the demise of an audio component deserve even one blog post, let alone two?

Because I came across the manual for the Sony STR-AV1010 receiver (circa 1989), which manual demonstrates that tech archaeology and history is as important as any other kind, maybe more. If you don’t believe that, just look at one of my favorite tech photos of all time.
Motorola Brick
Here is a man who is implicitly the most successful, stylish and cool guy holding up the most ridiculous object to his ear, as we pretend (then) it is not. And it sort of isn’t, because he was able to do something that was until then the stuff of sci-fi. And yet it sort of is ridiculous, because, well, look at the photo.

The soon to be buried receiver (actually, it won’t be buried, instead being put in a storage closet until future science can figure out how to cure it) was, as noted in the earlier post, a wonder more than twenty years ago. Look at some of the possible connections in the above chart:

Turntable
Tape deck
VCR
DAT (Digital Audio Tape, a Sony format officially terminated in 1995)

The point? Not one really. Maybe just that we are in the river, it flows, and we swim with it, against it, and sometimes just stand in it, if we can touch bottom and it doesn’t knock us over and we drown.

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June 20, 2013

Familiar Faces and Founders Who Flee

George Zimmer
George Zimmer, founder of Men’s Wearhouse, has been terminated from the company he grew—on the day of its annual meeting.

He moved (was kicked upstairs) from CEO to the position of executive chairman in 2011, and he still has a 3.5% stake in the company. It is thought that he may have had some trouble letting go of the reins—a not unusual circumstance—and his firing is the result of the attendant conflicts.

Everyone with a television knows the bearded Zimmer, and has heard him promise that when you wear one of their suits, “You’re going to like the way you look. I guarantee it.” And with 1,239 stores in the Men’s Wearhouse family, many have seen one of its outlets.

There are shareholders to please, a different situation than with Zimmer’s first store in Houston forty years ago. Times are changing for suits, ironically the very fact that Zimmer highlights in the latest series of ads. So if a fresh take was called for, both in the business and the marketing, he may have been seen as standing in the way.

You know George Zimmer. But do you know John Sculley?

Everybody who studies or practices big business does, but few others any more. In 1983, Steve Jobs recruited Sculley from Pepsico to run Apple. Differences almost immediately began cropping up about exactly how Apple was going to reach the next level on its way to make money (Sculley) or make money by changing the world (Jobs). It is reported that Sculley wanted to emphasize the Apple II until the Macintosh was powerful enough to fulfill its promise. No doubt where Jobs stood; just watch the historic Macintosh “1984” ad that ran during the Super Bowl that year. Jobs was demoted in 1985 and quickly left the company. Sculley would leave Apple in 1993, after a few successes but mostly under a cloud. Jobs would, of course, return to Apple—demonstrating in the long run just how potent a founder’s combination of entrepreneurship, vision and hard-nosed business can be. Today, practically everybody on the planet knows Steve Jobs.

It’s sometimes true that founders get it, but can’t take it to the next level. It’s also sometimes true that those outsiders who think they can take it to the next level can’t because they don’t get it.

George Zimmer didn’t sell the world’s most popular and powerful digital devices, actually changing the world. He sold men’s suits. Getting that isn’t so very tough, so he may be expendable. On the other hand, he has proven that over the course of four very tumultuous decades, he did know how to sell those suits.

Sometimes founders really can’t be trusted to evolve themselves or their offerings for a changing market and world. But the possibility that they can shouldn’t summarily be dismissed, and neither perhaps should they. George Zimmer may not be back. But we know who he is, to the benefit of Men’s Wearhouse.

Do founders sometimes know what they’re doing? George Zimmer? Steve Jobs? John who?

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