Bob Schwartz

Mitt Romney is downplaying expectations for his performance in the Mississippi and Alabama primaries, saying the elections are an “away game” for him.

Even though home field advantage is usually a topic when one candidate can claim native or adoptive connection (Michigan, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Georgia, etc.), there are no natives or adoptees in this race at this moment. The fact is that when you’re running for President, even at the party nomination level, the U.S. is your home field. This isn’t regional beanbag, to paraphrase Romney, this is national politics. You may one day be President of all the people, and none of those people live in a foreign country.

Speaking of Mississippi, Romney also said that through a relationship with local politicians he had become an “unofficial” Southerner, parotting “y’all” and liking grits. Three things Mitt Romney has to learn:

You can move to Mississippi and other places in the South, live there, love it there, but you will not be a Southerner, unofficial or otherwise. Don’t even think about it.

“Y’all” and “All y’all” are some of the most useful linguistic creations in the English language, not just quaint phrases in a guidebook. Respect them.

What can you say about grits that hasn’t already been said? You don’t like grits, you love grits. It is the ultimate breakfast synthesizer, turning a disconnected group of eggs, toast, and meat (or meat substitute) into the best and most important meal of the day.

A tiny lexical commentary about the proposed trans-vaginal ultrasound procedure proposed and now withdrawn in Virginia, without opinions offered otherwise:

1. The legislator who sponsored the bill could not bring himself to say the V word, instead referring to it as “trans-V.”

2. “Trans” is itself misdescriptive. It should correctly have been called “intra-vaginal,” but for reasons too politically obvious, that was softened.

3. Notice in the context of this controversy the similarity between “Virginia” and “vagina.” Will “trans-Virginia” or “intra-Virginia” soon enter our vocabulary too? Will some begin to refer to the state as “V”?

4. Virginia is for lovers.