Bob Schwartz

Category: Food

The Fig Paste Story

Fig Paste
Interest and talent for food runs a range. Some are world-class, others are moderately capable and knowledgeable, others don’t know or care. We are lucky if we are beneficiaries of those who take the making of food seriously and can follow through all the way to the table.

The artifacts of fine food are like those of any of the fine arts: you have plenty of tools and materials at hand, but some you may use only rarely. The tools are on racks or in drawers, the stable foodstuffs are on shelves, but some things are relegated to the refrigerator for freshness.

That is how the fig paste came to the refrigerator. It was purchased in December, in time for the holidays. It in fact came out of a holiday display of it and other fruit pastes, a pretty arcane category. It did end up in a very tasty dish back then. But a little container of fig paste goes a long way, and so to the fridge it went. In December.

The plastic container is quite small, about 2 by 3 inches, an inch high. It will fit easily in a refrigerator of more than 20 cubic feet. Except that in a busy, busy refrigerator, where ingredients and leftovers are always coming and going, there is a lot of rearranging to be done. So the tiny container, filled with delicious fig paste, is not so much homeless as peripatetic.

This weekend, as if to re-establish its raison d’être, the fig paste worked its way into another dish (crostini topped with fig paste and goat cheese: delicioso!). But Monday morning always comes, there’s a price to pay for all that eating, and now the fig paste is squeezed into, of all places, the butter drawer. It is in rich company (butter, cream cheese), but now the door to the drawer is challenged. Does it truly belong there? And so it has moved again, hoping it will not have to wait another five months for a role, even a very small supporting one. They also serve who sit hidden on the second glass shelf.

A Food Breakthrough on National Donut Day

Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich

Updated to include Donut Burger.

Today is National Donut Day. Celebrated on the first Friday in June, it was begun in 1938 to celebrate the Salvation Army’s distribution of donuts to soldiers in World War I.

Donuts, particularly glazed donuts, are quite possibly the world’s most perfect food—provided you are not concerned about health. (Bananas, which use that “perfect food” slogan, are also great, and are much healthier, but bananas are obviously not quite donuts.)

There are plenty of special deals on National Donut Day, including free donuts with or without a purchase. But something has happened to make this NDD even more special.

Today Dunkin’ Donuts rolls out its Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich:

Going Where No Breakfast Has Gone

We’ve gone and changed breakfast forever. Again. Bite into this smorgasbord of bacon slices and pepper fried egg, sandwiched by a Glazed Donut.

Let’s talk about bacon. Bacon is quite possibly both the world’s most perfect (taste) food and least perfect (health) food. The stunning brilliance of combining bacon with a glazed donut can’t be overstated. A Nobel Food Prize can’t be far behind.

On the practical side, you have a choice. You can eat glazed donuts or Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwiches once a year on National Donut Day. Or you can eat them every day. Or something in between.

Aristotle advised moderation in all things. With all the temptations he did face in ancient Greece, he still never had to withstand the allure of a Dunkin’ Donuts Glazed Donut Breakfast Sandwich. So as Aristotle would suggest on National Donut Day: go on, live a little.

Update:

Donut Burger

Many thanks to the reader who clued me in to Donut Burgers. Not only am I not eating enough donuts, I am also not keeping up with donut cuisine. As with all cutting-edge dishes, the origins of the donut burger are controversial. It is generally attributed to singer and producer Luther Vandross, who ran short of hamburger buns and substituted Krispy Kreme donuts, to create what is sometimes called the Luther Burger. It is now a staple of state fairs and other places where eating unusual things is essential to the experience. In all honesty, though, I’m not sure I get it, or want to get it. On the other hand, they say don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.

Pepsi and the Line between Stupid and Clever

Mountain Dew
You’ve got to love the movie Spinal Tap. Below the surface of this hilarious fake “rockumentary”, beyond the wisdom of lines such as “It’s such a fine line between stupid and, uh…clever”, is a genuine commentary about what happens when popular art meets commerce.

When the band tries to revive its fading fortunes with an album called “Smell the Glove”, the record label rejects a cover photo of a woman on a leash being forced to, well, smell a glove. Instead, the album is released with a plain black cover.

Pepsi has long looked at its Mountain Dew brand as the edgiest of its beverages, with potential youth appeal. That would explain why it hired a 22-year-old hip-hop artist and music producer known as Tyler the Creator to create a series of videos for the brand. The storyline is that a goat named Felicia, voiced by Tyler, is obsessed with Dew and angry at its being in short supply. The goat brutally attacks a white waitress. In the third video, the injured waitress is at a police station, looking over a lineup of four black men and the goat. The goat threatens her, among other things reminding her that “snitches get stitches.” She is scared off and will not “dew” it.

After complaints about its being the most racist commercial ever, PepsiCo removed it from the web (you may still be able to see it here).

PepsiCo said, “We understand how this video could be perceived by some as offensive, and we apologize to those who were offended. We have removed the video from all Mountain Dew channels and have been informed that Tyler is removing it from his channels as well.”

Tyler’s manager said:

“It was never Tyler’s intention to offend, however offense is personal and valid to anyone who is offended. Out of respect to those that were offended, the ad was taken down. For those who know and respect Tyler, he is known for pushing boundaries and challenging stereotypes thr[ough] humor. This is someone who grew up on David Chappelle. This situation is layered with context and is a discussion that Tyler would love to address in the right forum as he does have a point of view. As someone who hasn’t had the experience of being discriminated against I choose to respect the opinion of those who have. What I can speak to is Tyler, who represents much more than the current narrative this story suggests.”

“Contrary to what many may discern from this, Tyler is the embodiment of not judging others, his delivery may not be for everyone (which is true for anyone who pushes boundaries) but his voice is nonetheless important to the conversation since his demographic understands what he ultimately stands for and sees the irony of it all. Context may or not help those who are offended and I wholly respect that, but for those who are interested, I can offer the following and leave the rest to Tyler.

“1. This spot was part of an overall admittedly absurd storyline about a crazy goat who becomes obsessed with Mountain Dew, 2. The lady in front of the line-up is the waitress from the first spot, 3. The line-up consists of Tyler’s friends and Odd Future members who were available that day. (L-Boy, Left Brain, Garret from Trash Talk and Errol) 4. He absolutely never intended to spark a controversy about race. It was simply an…admittedly absurd story that was never meant to be taken seriously. Again, we apologize if this was taken out of context and would never trivialize racism, especially now in America where voting and civil rights are being challenged at the highest level. I can however stand firmly by someone I have believed in since we met, only because I know him and I know all of this was never his intent.”

It’s not clear who this “David Chappelle” that the manager mentions is, but Dave Chappelle is one of the funniest, strangest, most boundary-pushing comic artists of recent times. Chappelle created one great piece after another, including a bit where a blind black man is a vicious anti-black racist, because he thinks he is white. That’s brilliant, so let’s start with the fact that Tyler has a long way to go.

Artists are supposed to do whatever their vision tells them, and we shouldn’t be stopping them. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and sometimes the art is behind or ahead of its times.

But that doesn’t mean that those who pay for the work have to go along with everything that artists conceive and produce. There is actually a bit of cleverness here, but it is plagued by so much troubling text, context and subtext that it could not possibly have passed any feasibility test that any mainstream corporate advertiser might apply.

One thing that makes this even a little more troubling is PepsiCo’s quasi-apology. We are supposed to have gotten used to cleverly crafted statements that are meant to sound like apologies but aren’t quite. That is now the norm. We are not that stupid. “We apologize to those who were offended” is a defensive or even condescending posture: if you are among those who don’t get it (or as Tyler’s manager says, not part of “his demographic [that] understands what he ultimately stands for and sees the irony of it all”), then we are sorry. Mass media have mass audiences, and if you want to put something out there that is likely to cause trouble but you believe will help you, either stand behind it or don’t. Apologize or don’t. It may turn out to be commercially smart or stupid. But at least you’re brave.

Morning Coffee Simple

BodumA while back it was revealed that Howard Schultz, patriarch of Starbucks, did not use some $10,000 piece of equipment to make his morning coffee. And he did not go to Starbucks.

Instead, his preferred brew was a cup of French press. Simple French press.

For those who don’t press, this is how it goes.

Put coffee grounds in the pot.
Pour hot water over them.
Stir.
Put plunger top on pot.
Wait.
Plunge.
Drink.

This is an almost entirely silent process. No machines, no clatter, no hisses and moans. The loudest sound is the cascading hot water. And if you listen carefully, you might hear the whooshing of the plunger descending to press.

When you practice this morning after morning, it is a bit like a Japanese tea ceremony. Each movement and event is precise and focused: watching the waterfall into the pot, watching the eddies as the grounds swirl and sink.

As with the tea ceremony, when you’re all done, you have both an experience and a perfect cup to drink. What more could a simple man or a simple billionaire ask for?

Android: Eat Dessert Last

 


On October 29, Google will introduce a new mobile device based on Key Lime Pie, the latest and likely sweetest version of the Android operating system.

This is great news for some. But for many Android users, who are looking for a little more sugar, it is somewhat strange.

The strangeness is that a number of high-end and upgradable devices sold just within the past year are still waiting for the last two Android upgrades. Some running on Gingerbread have been waiting for much of this year for Ice Cream Sandwich (version 4.0). Ice Cream Sandwich devices have been waiting months for Jelly Bean (4.2). Before all that happens for many devices, Key Lime Pie (4.3) will be a delicious reality—for some, but hardly for all.

The cause of the backlog is what has come to be called Android fragmentation (there’s no cute dessert way of saying that). As an open OS, Android is adopted and overlaid by each device maker for selected devices, and the various providers also get involved in the Android experience for each device they choose to carry.

This three-way would be complicated enough if Android were a static OS. But Android won’t stand still—those robot legs may be stubby, but they sure can move. Android is less than five years old, a relatively low-maturity but quickly-developing OS. The striving of the developers is admirable, and they are in the process of evolving Android from good to very good to great.

But every upgrade demands that Android, the device makers and the providers essentially go back to square one, determining which devices are suitable, testing and tweaking so that users will have a positive experience that reflects well on all involved.

That’s the ideal. The reality is that Android and the other players hype the improvements, but then are forced by dreaded fragmentation, and whatever other interests are involved, to make users wait.

It’s not that a piece of Gingerbread isn’t sweet and satisfying; it’s actually a pretty solid OS. And for the luckier ones, they’ve been happy with an Ice Cream Sandwich. It’s just that standing in front of the Mobile Sweet Shoppe, nose pressed to the glass, it’s tough to watch the customers inside scooping out all those colorful Jelly Beans. And now, insult to injury, the shop is passing around slices of Key Lime Pie. Not even lemon meringue, for goodness sake, but Key Lime!

We know, or hope, that dessert is really on the way. It’s just a little frustrating watching someone else eat it.

The Beauty Of The Neighborhood Joint


Larry’s is a neighborhood joint. It is as beautiful as any place in America.

Whether or not you find Larry’s depends on circumstances. If you live here, you’ll likely miss it. If you travel here you’ll certainly miss it. Some other restaurant or bar will be your destination—maybe a ubiquitous chain, maybe a celebrated hot spot frequented by the better people.

Ironically, one of those other destinations is just a few doors down the block. There you can get a Seafood Platter (8oz Lobster Tail, 2 Scallops & Crab Cake) for $46.95. Or a Filet Mignon for $39.95 (the Peppercorn Bearnaise Sauce will be $3.95 extra).

Friday at Larry’s, the special is the Fish Platter for $8.95: a mound of fries, a small dish of cole slaw, and all the fresh fried pollock you can eat. The traditional Catholic practice of abstaining from meat on Fridays has faded, but there are plenty of Catholics here, some of whom may have graduated from the old school. Besides, when a tradition is this delicious, who cares?

The dozen or so booths and tables crowded into Larry’s are filled, as is the bar. There is football on the TV. The guy at the next table looks to be a spry 90 years old, and has probably been coming to Larry’s for many of them. Unscientifically, it may be what has kept him going this long.

You might see Larry’s or someplace like it on the Food Channel. Guy will bite into one of the sauerkraut balls, smack his lips, and roll his eyes in delight. Possible but less likely is that a Presidential candidate might stop by and, if he’s not one who’s abstaining, grab a beer.

But this Friday night, Larry’s isn’t a set for a show or campaign. It is where people eat and drink for a very reasonable price, surrounded by friendly people, served by friendly people who will keep bringing you fish until the kitchen runs out. It’s America and it’s beautiful.