Bob Schwartz

Alfred Nobel (1833-1896) was a Swedish chemist, engineer, inventor, businessman, and philanthropist. His invention of dynamite and other weapons led to his being known as “the merchant of death.” To counter that reputation, he established a set of prizes in many fields, include a Peace Prize.

Trump covets the Nobel Peace Prize, which has gone to many Americans he hates. He was not very aware of the man behind the prize. When he learned about Nobel’s fortune and success as a businessman, Trump was ecstatic. This is his kind of guy, one he could work with to capture the prize.

Trump asked that Nobel be invited to the White House for a meeting in the Oval Office. Those who work for Trump were confounded. They did not want to tell him that Nobel had been dead for 130 years. Instead, they pretended that it was impossible to reach him, because he was on a secret mission involving the most important weapon of his career.

At first Trump was annoyed, suggesting he might triple the current tariff on Swedish goods from 15% to 45%. Then he forgot about it for a while. Whenever he asked again, he was given new details about the Nobel mission.

The next time his pursuit of the Nobel Peace Prize came up, he announced that he had already talked with Alfred Nobel about it, that Nobel was coming to the White House, and that Nobel enthusiastically supported his receiving it.